Can We Blame This On Wile E. Coyote?

Bear with me on this one, I’m actually serious.

In 1954 Wile E. Coyote made a purchase to assist him in his hapless pursuit of the Roadrunner. Ever since that cartoon was made, uncounted millions of very impressionable young people have seen that product used. Has it left a latent impression in people’s minds?

Wile. E. Coyote purchased Triple Strength Fortified Leg Muscle Vitamins and as soon as he gulped down the contents fantastically powerful muscles that allowed him to outrun the Roadrunner transformed his hind legs.

Wow! That would be cool!

But how many people saw that cartoon and still kinda-sorta think it might be possible?

In a related vein, I was once told that a survey was performed where people where asked, “When a person runs off a cliff do they begin to fall immediately or is there a slight delay?” The majority said there is a slight delay. In fact, there is not the slightest delay, not even a millisecond.

They never teach you in high school science or physics class that there is a slight delay in gravity. So where would people get that latent impression of how the world works? Ah, my point begins to emerge. Perhaps the same place they got the idea that muscle comes in bottles?

Knowing that millions of people are very gullible and have a very unsophisticated view of how things like gravity and muscle growth really operate, it is easy for companies to convince them to buy products of nearly zero worth.

To wit, here are two ads run by the same company – one to lose fat and one to gain muscle:


Wow! Gulp, gulp, gulp and my unwanted fat is gone!


And . . . Wow! Gulp, gulp, gulp and I’ve gained 700% more muscle!



These two ads claiming two different metabolic results are the same pills with the same ingredients. Apparently they will either melt fat off you or slap on pounds of new muscle . . . depending on what you want them to do for you. Isn’t that amazing?

Can you imagine a reputable, publicly traded pharmaceutical company offering a pill that would either make you sleep better or keep you awake and alert – two completely opposite metabolic functions – depending on what you wanted it to do? How big would the lawsuits be?

Nutritional supplement companies avoid lawsuits by telling you in very fine print that their products might not actually work: “These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any disease.”

So this is the state of consumer gullibility as it relates to health and fitness and nutritional supplements. I already showed you the crap about fake before and after photos for diets, white teeth and wrinkles and maybe in the future I’ll tell you about some of the junk exercise machines that get sold to the public. Those are absolutely shameful.   

OK, by now somebody is thinking “but what about those studies they cite?” These types of studies nearly always include diet and exercise routines for the test subjects, so when people lose fat or gain muscle it’s mostly the exercise doing it. Sometimes there is a slight benefit to the substance tested so the marketers can talk about how it gives a boost. Sometimes the test subjects were chosen based on their natural deficiency of that substance – a deficiency you likely do not have. They don’t tell you that part.

But if you add up the cost of the extra boost and divide by the 37 bucks a bottle you pay to get it, the extra fat lost or muscle gained is very, very expensive per pound. You’d almost certainly get the same or better muscle gain/fat loss by adding more weight to your barbell and reducing your range of motion, or by not eating half a sandwich every day - at zero cost to you.

But . . . people want to believe that the easy answers come in a pill bottle and don’t require lifting a heavy weight or not finishing a sandwich.


Oh, one more thing.

The miracle ingredient in these particular pills is simply conjugated linoleic acid. And you can buy a bottle of that at Amazon for five bucks. It's the same stuff, without the screaming advertising copy and obligatory picture of Oprah or a model with killer abs. Five bucks or 37 bucks – it’s the same stuff that is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any disease and might not work at all.

And what kind of company sells you a five dollar product for 37 dollars? Does that seem like a company you can trust?

Here is the truth.

1. You can never, ever lose fat unless you burn more calories than you eat. That’s just the way our universe works. All energy is exactly accounted for, so if you eat more than you burn, you gain mass (maybe fat, maybe muscle) and if you burn more than you eat, you lose mass.

2. You can never, ever gain muscle mass unless you force your muscles to adapt to heavier exercise. My business is showing you how to perform the absolute heaviest, most intense exercises in the minimum of time. My exercises will put far more muscle on your body than any supplement or pill could ever hope to.

Don’t be influenced by cartoons that show huge muscle gains from a bottle of pills. Besides, the truth is easier on your wallet.


Train with your brain,

Forward velocity does nothing to delay the pull of gravity. If you stood next to the level water of a calm lake and fired a bullet from a pistol held parallel to the lake's surface and simultaneosly dropped a bullet held at the same height as the barrel of the pistol, both bullets would hit the water at the same instant. That is, the bullet you drop which falls, say, five feet, will splash into the lake at the same instant as the bullet moving 500 miles per hour out of the gun barrel hits the water far in the distance. As soon as the bullet goes off the "cliff" at the end of the barrel it begins falling exactly as fast as the bullet dropped from your hand. This happens everywhere in our world - except in cartoonland. Cartoonland also has muscle building pills.


In the spirit of well-rounded self-improvement and spending fitness time wisely and efficiently, this Static Contraction article was brought to you by the Latin proverb:

Avaritia facit Bardus
"Greed makes you stupid."

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