[vc_custom_heading text=”Super High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)” font_container=”tag:h1|text_align:center|color:%23663300″ google_fonts=”font_family:Luckiest%20Guy%3Aregular|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal” css=”%7B%22default%22%3A%7B%22color%22%3A%22%23663300%22%7D%7D”]

(NSFW) Fitness Parody by Pete Sisco at PrecisionTraining.com

Wonder why you’re not getting gains in the gym?

Feel like you you’re wasting time and spinning your wheels?

The reason is:  You don’t know S.H.I.T.!

Our new S.H.I.T. Super High Intensity Training protocol gives you literally colossal muscle mass gains* in literally no time*.

(*not to be taken literally)

We use over 2,000 unknown exercises to completely isolate more than 600 muscles in your weak, feeble body!
  • Facial muscles!
  • Digestive muscles!
  • Kegal muscles!
  • Sphincter muscles!
  • Smooth muscles!
  • Even your cardiac muscles will know they’re in deep S.H.I.T!!
And just trying to remember our thousands of exercises with dozens of variations – and what day of the week to do them – will eventually turn your brain to S.H.I.T.
  • 121 S.H.I.T. triceps exercises, each with 28 variations!
  • 190 S.H.I.T. biceps exercises!
  • Exercises you’ve never heard of!
  • Exercises that nobody ever uses!
  • 3 workouts every day in perpetuity!
  • Why ‘recovery’ is a total myth and never necessary!
  • How so-called “progress” is overrated!
  • Tactics for living with no libido!
  • Obscure Bulgarian study proves Tuesday’s workout is always the most critical!
  • 4 reasons why you should never do your lunchtime workout at dinnertime! (#3 will blow you away!)
  • Beyond mere muscle confusion: our patent-pending T.M.V. – Total Muscle Vexation™ method!
  • Maximum muscle confusion!
  • Maximum mental confusion!
  • Everyone at your gym will be confused by your S.H.I.T routine!
  • Add massive slabs of beef to your upper back! (applies to bovines only)
  • Build bowling pin forearms! (pins not to scale)
  • Develop cannonball deltoids! (very small bore cannon)
  • Grow Sequoia tree-trunk quads! (trees may be saplings)
  • Flash your sexy washboard abs! (may be concealed by layers of adipose tissue)
  • Pack on pounds of sarcoplasm, fast oxidative-glycolytic fibers, neuromuscular efficiency, and other parameters you’ll never be able to actually measure!
  • Based on our ‘Wyoming Experiment’ – like the ‘Colorado Experiment’ but even more fraudulent!
  • Adapted from the very first ‘Weider Principles’ of Fire, the Lever, and the Wheel!
  • Learn to ‘listen to your body’ instead of your better judgement!
  • Learn how our S.H.I.T. training will unleash torrents of your natural cortisol and estrogen!
  • Beyond ‘forced reps’ – our new Coercive Reps!®
  • ‘Isolation exercises’ that make both you and your muscles feel completely isolated and alone!
  • How to ‘cycle’ between hope and despair!
  • Why you’ll arrive at the gym ‘pre-exhausted!’
  • Our all-new Progressive Underloading / Regressive Intensity® method!
  • The secret to ‘stacking’ one failed S.H.I.T workout after another!
  • Getting ‘ripped’ and ‘shredded’ ligaments, tendons and joints!
  • ‘Cheating’ – the foundation of our entire S.H.I.T. program, you’ll never feel more cheated!
  • You’ll endure an incredible, manly ‘burn’ from lactic acid and financial loss!
  • ‘Pyramiding’ – with our S.H.I.T multi-level-marketing income scheme that enables you to relentlessly exploit your friends!
  • Develop a completely S.H.I.T mindset and live our S.H.I.T lifestyle! 

Look at those arms!

This guy’s biceps are the S.H.I.T!

You’ve bought every other training program, now it’s time to buy this S.H.I.T!

Only $499 for the complete S.H.I.T. system! (Plus $199/mo billed to your credit card for our TOTAL S.H.I.T. nutritional supplements. Supplements are optional, but required for any hope of strength, mass, or size gains whatsoever.**)

(** No gains whatsoever still possible when using our TOTAL S.H.I.T. nutritional supplements. Your gains could be utterly non-existent. Your muscles might get weaker and smaller. Offer void in jurisdictions with consumer protection laws. No refunds.)

Pete Sisco is a longtime advocate of H.I.T strength training. Except he objectively and mathematically quantifies the “I” in order to ensure progressive overload on every workout.

 

PLEASE SHARE WITH ANY WEIGHTLIFTER WHO COULD USE A SMILE